I, Donald Trump

I wasn't going to be public about this, but I changed my mind. When I went to the polls to vote for president, I received a strong impression to vote for Donald Trump. I did not do it. 

I do not think that I disliked any presidential candidate more than him. I did not like him as a person before he even considered running for president. He, and I must say it honestly, is a Jerk to me. HE IS A JERK!

There is no BUT in this. He is a jerk. I have no idea why I received a prompting to vote for him except I prayed that God would put the right person in the presidential office for the job. I agree with his moral stances on marriage and family--issues like abortion. I just don't like HIM!

I could not listen to that prompting. It might have been God trying to tell me not to judge the man for his past. It didn’t occur to me until I read on Facebook under one of my favorite authors views a responder who experienced the same thing I did. She was prompted to vote for Trump. I think she was able to follow through with it.  I am so prejudiced against him because of his behavior. When he is sworn into office, I will do my best to speak honorably of him, but I had to get it out that I hate his behavior. I am ashamed that he will represent me--especially if he does not shelve his bad behavior.

Why I did not Like Trump

I did not like Trump because I think he is rude, that's it. I do not dislike Bill Clinton, who is also a womanizer. Bill is not rude, though. I say all this because I am going to repent and pray that God helps me to not harbor so much contempt for this man.

I care that he might be racist. I care. I have lived, worked and worshiped with racist people my entire life. I expect people to be that way now. I have behaved that way on occasion. I think I dislike Trump so much because inside I am just like him and not man enough to admit it, even though I might have just done that. We often hate in others the weaknesses that are evident in ourselves.

It is really myself I Hate?

I do not celebrate such thoughts. If I am a racist, I Know I am working to change through the atonement of Jesus Christ, who will help me. Because I am a Black person, I can get away with writing this or saying it. I know I can because I have in the past. I want to say I DO NOT speak of any race in derision in public or private. I do, though. I joked about being Black in Church on Sunday! In church! I did the same thing about White people—knowing that my categorical statements were just jokes. But there is some truth behind every joke, whether it is my truth or a societal truth. So, I reflect on whether I genuinely harbor racist feelings toward Whites and others or even other Blacks—it is possible.  

I could not vote for Trump because I am like him, or what I assume him to be—a racist, misogynistic, jerk. If I am really that, then maybe I should cleanse my inner vessel more so that I can see Trump clear enough. I don’t want to dislike myself, so I project on a scapegoat other than THE SCAPEGOAT, Jesus.

Charity of the Believer

Now, I have to give Trump the same love as I give myself. Sometimes it is hard to want to live my life as a Christian. I do not abuse myself for fleeting thoughts or misplaced statements. Why should I insult Trump for misplaced words? I do my best to keep my opinions hidden from others so they will not dislike me. I don’t tell people who are ugly, stupid, nasty and such that they are those things because I care about how it makes them feel, even it I think it is true. Wrong.

I do say my thoughts sometimes. I put my foot in my mouth more than I care to admit. That is why I find myself smiling and making jokes so much. I am trying not to be taken seriously so that people will dismiss my words if I slip up.

My heart is still heavy because of what I did almost 20 years ago as a missionary in South Africa to another missionary who showed me a picture of his sister. I told him she was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. It was not right, and there is more to the story, but does that not sound like Donald Trump?

I have repented and begged that person’s forgiveness, but I have still not forgiven myself completely. That is why I cannot stand Donald Trump. He is just like me. Well, maybe not just like.

I am trying to change. Maybe Donald is too.

Mental Musings of a Jaded Republican, I meant Independent!

Donald Trump. Is he as bad as the media says he is? I am too prejudiced against him now to care to find out, sadly I already did not like him because of his behavior on regular TV. When I heard he was running for president I laughed aloud.No one would vote for him, I thought. 

I was wrong. I found his crass behavior entertaining initially. I even found myself identifying with him. I would like to tell someone where to stuff his or her attitudes occasionally. I then realized that I don’t do that because it is rude. I dismissed Trump and moved on. I would not want a rude president.

Now, the media has me afraid that there is going to be a race war. Trump is now the party leader for the KKK and any other anti-minority group out there! This all started when he became a viable candidate for president. Crass, yes he is. Racist? Well, he is now according to the media. I have never heard tell of him so being.  I am not in the world like that, though.

The media gave me video of Trump behaving in what they call a racist way. They say he hates Black people and I believed them. It seems that no matter what Trump does his laud grows. His celebrity grows particularly from supporters of Abraham Lincoln’s Republican Party to which I belonged until I decided to be independent, the party that eventually freed my ancestors.

A fear begins to enter my heart about the Republican Party, the party of the first free Black people in America. It shows that I allow other people to think for me when I should do it for myself and trust my own research. I do not support Donald Trump as the Republican nominee and will not vote for him because he has bully behavior and that it the ONLY reason I should have. I have witnessed that. Everything else is smoke and mirrors. I fear for the Republican Party though I left it. I fear that it no longer stands for what Lincoln believed, the safety of the Republic of The United States of America.

So, if a republican candidate stands before me, all I see is the fear of discrimination. That is not what birthed the Republican Party. I became Independent because the party no longer represented what I thought it did in the past.

I am not inclined to vote for Hillary Clinton because of her association with the last Clinton in office. That's it. I am not judging her for her so called lies or even her political positions. She could not do much without a Congress to back her if she gets into office other than to appoint judges. I don't want her to win, no. I don't support her party's platforms.  I have never trusted the Democratic Party because they supported the enslavement of my ancestors. Yet, I find myself wishing President Obama could run for another four years and I did not vote for him in either election!

So, is racism alive? Yes, but not in my living room. Are police shooting people? Yeah, not the ones in my area. Is Trump the antichrist? I don’t know, but he is a bully. Am I a Republican? Depending on the day I might be, but not today. It is the party of my ancestors' emancipation. I do not like either party right now—never liked democrats. I fear I might have to write in a candidate for nomination—Mitt Romney.

We do not get to choose who wins president, but we do get to choose who runs. I suppose I will still carry my Republican card and live like an Independent. The old Republican Party is what I long for now. The old Republican party of Regan is what will save us. The Post Civil Rights Movement Democratic Party is also what we need. We need both parties to start again. Yes, I admit we need both parties to function as a whole in this nation.

We need a revolution in the parties and media to be true to its original purpose to further democracy by giving the readers awareness of the truth. Well, I suppose the readers and viewers need to revolution also so that we can be ready to hear the truth that the revolution media gives so that we can have good choices from the revolution parties to support, not just for the presidency, but all elected government.