I, Donald Trump

I wasn't going to be public about this, but I changed my mind. When I went to the polls to vote for president, I received a strong impression to vote for Donald Trump. I did not do it. 

I do not think that I disliked any presidential candidate more than him. I did not like him as a person before he even considered running for president. He, and I must say it honestly, is a Jerk to me. HE IS A JERK!

There is no BUT in this. He is a jerk. I have no idea why I received a prompting to vote for him except I prayed that God would put the right person in the presidential office for the job. I agree with his moral stances on marriage and family--issues like abortion. I just don't like HIM!

I could not listen to that prompting. It might have been God trying to tell me not to judge the man for his past. It didn’t occur to me until I read on Facebook under one of my favorite authors views a responder who experienced the same thing I did. She was prompted to vote for Trump. I think she was able to follow through with it.  I am so prejudiced against him because of his behavior. When he is sworn into office, I will do my best to speak honorably of him, but I had to get it out that I hate his behavior. I am ashamed that he will represent me--especially if he does not shelve his bad behavior.

Why I did not Like Trump

I did not like Trump because I think he is rude, that's it. I do not dislike Bill Clinton, who is also a womanizer. Bill is not rude, though. I say all this because I am going to repent and pray that God helps me to not harbor so much contempt for this man.

I care that he might be racist. I care. I have lived, worked and worshiped with racist people my entire life. I expect people to be that way now. I have behaved that way on occasion. I think I dislike Trump so much because inside I am just like him and not man enough to admit it, even though I might have just done that. We often hate in others the weaknesses that are evident in ourselves.

It is really myself I Hate?

I do not celebrate such thoughts. If I am a racist, I Know I am working to change through the atonement of Jesus Christ, who will help me. Because I am a Black person, I can get away with writing this or saying it. I know I can because I have in the past. I want to say I DO NOT speak of any race in derision in public or private. I do, though. I joked about being Black in Church on Sunday! In church! I did the same thing about White people—knowing that my categorical statements were just jokes. But there is some truth behind every joke, whether it is my truth or a societal truth. So, I reflect on whether I genuinely harbor racist feelings toward Whites and others or even other Blacks—it is possible.  

I could not vote for Trump because I am like him, or what I assume him to be—a racist, misogynistic, jerk. If I am really that, then maybe I should cleanse my inner vessel more so that I can see Trump clear enough. I don’t want to dislike myself, so I project on a scapegoat other than THE SCAPEGOAT, Jesus.

Charity of the Believer

Now, I have to give Trump the same love as I give myself. Sometimes it is hard to want to live my life as a Christian. I do not abuse myself for fleeting thoughts or misplaced statements. Why should I insult Trump for misplaced words? I do my best to keep my opinions hidden from others so they will not dislike me. I don’t tell people who are ugly, stupid, nasty and such that they are those things because I care about how it makes them feel, even it I think it is true. Wrong.

I do say my thoughts sometimes. I put my foot in my mouth more than I care to admit. That is why I find myself smiling and making jokes so much. I am trying not to be taken seriously so that people will dismiss my words if I slip up.

My heart is still heavy because of what I did almost 20 years ago as a missionary in South Africa to another missionary who showed me a picture of his sister. I told him she was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. It was not right, and there is more to the story, but does that not sound like Donald Trump?

I have repented and begged that person’s forgiveness, but I have still not forgiven myself completely. That is why I cannot stand Donald Trump. He is just like me. Well, maybe not just like.

I am trying to change. Maybe Donald is too.